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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?